Saturday, December 29, 2007

Payton's First Christmas

Christmas started early this year for Payton. My family came over on the 23rd for presents and tamales (a tradition started at Mamaw's almost 50 years ago when they had tamales after church on Christmas Eve).

Early Monday morning we flew to Alabama. I was a little worried about the flight since Payton had an ear infection, but she did great! She fell asleep before we boarded and stayed asleep the entire flight! I think we have a globe trotter on our hands!!

We spent Christmas Eve with Grandma Red (MiMi's mom) and then Christmas Day with Nanny and Pa (PaPa's mom and dad). Everyone was thrilled to see Payton and I think everyone that wanted to hold her did. She handled all the people and her schedule being thrown off remarkably well.

Grandma Red and Payton

Aunt Heather and Payton

Her cousins LOVE Baby Girl! They can't believe she's so little and every move she made, Conner told us about.

She had a great Christmas and has enough toys to last her until her birthday! I can't wait for next Christmas when she'll be walking and talking and we create our own family traditions.

Thursday, December 27, 2007


Payton was in a great mood today when we left Birmingham. She was talking while the plane was parked at the gate and then went to sleep the entire flight! We can't ask for a better traveler!!!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Pro pics

3 months!

I honestly cannot believe 3 months have passed since my beautiful little girl was born and my life was forever changed.

I recently read something in Parents magazine that said that to the author, it seemed like the women you yearned for a baby and being pregnant had a harder time adjusting than the women who's pregnancy wasn't planned.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. I couldn't wait to be pregnant, to give birth to a little miracle, to see how my life and my husband's life would change, to see that little one grow into an amazing person and to be responsible for that amazing journey.

My pregnancy was fantastic. I loved almost every minute of it. I thought that once I had Payton, the joy would continue and we'd be blissfully happy. What I hadn't counted on was a far from routine birth and all the nicu issues we had with Payton. I truly believe the experience was what led to post partum depression. I didn't get to hold Payton for almost 12 hours... I was so scared to bond with her in case something happened and she didn't make it. I don't think that there was ever a chance of her not making it, but in my exhausted, emotional state, I was trying to protect my heart.

When I say that I couldn't have gotten through the first 6 weeks without my mom and sister I mean it. I think I would've been committed if they weren't here everyday to help me. I didn't want to see anyone but Lane, my mom, my dad and my sister. It was such a dark time. I felt like such a failure. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what to do to fix it. Never once did I regret having Payton, but I wondered why she deserved me as a mother.

Thankfully, I was able to move my post partum appointment up a week and I was prescribed medication. I cannot tell you what a difference it's made in 7 short weeks. I'm able to be a blissfully, happy mommy and I know this is my sole purpose in life! Payton is the most beautiful, sweet little girl and I am truly blessed to have her as my daughter. I hope one day she'll be able to say she was blessed to have me as a mother.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Mother Is Born

I received this about 2 weeks after Payton was born and still cry every time I read it. This is so amazingly true.


My first child, a daughter, was born on July 27, 2000, and I was completely unprepared.

I thought I was ready for her birth. I had read my books and articles on childbirth and baby care; I had bought everything on my shopping checklist. The nursery was ready for use, and my husband and I were anxiously awaiting for her arrival. I was prepared for wakeful nights, endless diapers, sore nipples, crying(both hers and mine), and the feeling that I can't get anything done. I was prepared for sitz baths and hemorrhoids.

What I wasn't prepared for was the way the entire world looked different to me the minute she was born. I wasn't prepared for the fact that the sheer weight of my love would reduce me to tears on a daily basis. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to get through my first lullaby to her because I wouldn't be able to sing through my tears. I didn't know that the entire world would suddenly become unbelievable beautiful and yet infinitely scarier. I didn't know that it would seem like a new place had been created inside of me, just to hold this incredible love.

I had no idea what it would feel like when the nurse wheeled my daughter in to me saying, "She's looking for you," and the way the image of her deep-blue eyes looking right at me would be seared in my heart forever. I didn't know that I could love someone so much it literally hurts, that a trip to Walmart would make me feel like a protective mother bear guarding her cub, or that my first trip to the grocery store without her would break my heart.

I didn't know that she would forever change the way my husband and I look at each other, or that the process of giving birth to her and breast-feeding her would give me a whole new respect for my body. No one ever told me that I would no longer be able to watch the evening news because every story about child abuse would make me think of my daughter's face.

Why didn't anyone warn me about these things? I am overwhelmed by it all. Will I ever be able to leave her and think of anything else but her, or see a crust in her eye or spot on her skin that doesn't make me nervous? Will I ever be able to show her and express to her just how deep and all-encompassing my love for her is? Will I ever be able to be the mother I so desperately want her to have?

I have heard it said, and now know that it is true, that when a woman gives birth to her first child, there are two births. The first is the birth of the child. The second is the birth of the mother. Perhaps that is the birth that is impossible to prepare for....
Written by Regina Phillips

12 weeks

11 weeks

10 weeks

Saturday, December 8, 2007


Lane graduated with his MBA on November 30th! We're SO glad to have him home full time and I'm sure his business partner is glad to have him at work full time too!

Lane plans to hold this photo over Payton's head.... apparently she'll be getting her Masters before she gets married and has kids!


Our little spider!

Thanksgiving at Nonnie and Deeda's

Waiting to see Santa!

Weekly pics

I've been taking pictures of Payton every week with a bear Lane and I bought on our Vegas Vacation when I was 4 months pregnant.

Here's up to 9 weeks! She's changed so much!
2 weeks
3 weeks
4 weeks
5 weeks 6 weeks 7 weeks
2 months 9 weeks